And then there was me……
Most people tend to think about the things that have occurred throughout their life in a desperate attempt to analyze who they are, who they have become, or how they ended up where they did. I have had one of those lives where its just something you wouldn’t believe, something you would read out of a book or see in a movie. I’ve spent most of my life trying to forget it all, honestly. Trying to push it all to the back of my mind and move forward to a less complicated and happier place. It hasn’t ALL been bad, some of it makes me laugh to be honest. All of it I have learned so much from. I wouldn’t wish some of my experiences on my worst enemy but I strongly believe that its the ones I try to push back and forget that have made me into the strong person I am today.
I had one of those moments last night. You know, one of those moments where you reflect on your life to determine why you do things the way that you do. I realized something. Most people can attribute their actions or reactions to an experience that they have had. A single experience that explains why they hate that song, dislike a food, cry at that movie, or chose not to spank their kids. I can’t seem to find those specific moments. What I have is a collection of experiences that have come together and created my mind.
I have been urged by numerous people to write a book about what I have been through. I can’t seem to muster up that kind of energy. I wouldn’t know how to even accomplish something of that magnitude in my current physicality. It was even suggested that it could be made into a “made for TV” movie. I don’t want to be an after-school special. What I do know is that all of the things that I have worked so awfully hard to run from have slowly creeped back into my life.
Within this last year I have been so sick that even my doctors were not sure if I would pull through. So I decided, rather than write a book, I would start from the beginning here in my blog. Get the short version or snippets of the important things out. Kinda of like a journey through my own life. When there is nothing else on my mind that day, I will add to my journey. Maybe I will learn something about myself I haven’t already discovered. Maybe someone else won’t feel so alone. Who knows? I’ll categorize these as “reflections”.
Thanks for reading. Till next time……………………………
Good for you in writing (typing) through your pain. I have, in the past, found it to be freeing, moreso than you may realize. I hope on your quest you find peace. Blessings.
Thanks so much. I hope so too. Thank you for reading!
I was thinking about commenting a suggestion to do it on your blog, but then you wrote that that was your idea, so I’m just gonna say, good idea! Have fun, good luck.
Thanks so much!
The best outlet is your own mind and the words that flow from it to your fingertips to express what it is you are going through. Life is full of ups and downs (I know) but when you hold on to your courage and inner wisdom, you can stay on long enough to enjoy the ride. Never give up.
Peace & Light –
Thanks for reading. I use to write all the time. Its amazing how I stopped writing at the time when I needed it the most. I’m slowly rediscovering how therapeutic it is.
Thanks for the encouragement and for commenting!
I think it is great that you are writing about it. Part of the reason I hit major writers block on my blog at times, is because I have yet to make the decision just how much of my health related struggles I wish to share. I started out thinking I would share none, except perhaps the most basic, but I find that increasingly difficult to do. I mean I wanted one place where I wasn’t “sick”, where my health didn’t come up in regular conversation. Yet I am finding that really hard to do, especially during the rougher weeks. How to write and not acknowledge such a huge part of my life. Yet I don’t really want to talk about it on there either, in such a public fashion, under my real name, etc. This week reading your blog has pretty much done it for me, in a good way. So know, that your process is helpful to others too.
Debbie,
I completely understand where you are coming from. When you are sick all the time you start to search for an area of your life that your illness has not affected. When you can’t find one you feel the need to create one. At least that is what happened to me and is still occurring. Something that Dear Thyroid has taught me, and I am still learning, is that my medical conditions are an unfortunate part of who I am. I couldn’t blog about my experiences and feel satisfied with what I had written if I had completely omitted my illnesses, because my experiences are so greatly affected by them.
I hope you find the courage to just share it all. I have adapted the thought that people will love me and accept me for what and who I am, or not. As I go through my reflections you will read that there are many of friends and family that I no longer have contact with. Some is unfortunate but I’m still moving on.
Thanks for reading!
Sometimes all it takes is that one moment, and the collection of our mind’s experiences can come together in a cohesive, powerful manner that suddenly makes sense.
I’m so sorry for your recent illness and truly wish for you to be well and have the causes of happiness. Your writing is so heartfelt and engaging, I’d like to add you to my links.
Thank you, so much
I agree that it’s finding that one moment that makes all the difference. Thanks so much for reading! I look forward to your comments.
what a wonderful Idea, I truly hope that writing on here helps you. I love reading your blog, and will continue to check it often.
So far writing seems to help. We’ll see how it goes. Gonna write another chapter today.
The feeling is mutual. Thanks for stopping by and I look forward to reading your thoughts.
Good luck
Thank you.