Just My Socks (7)
Picking up from where I left off in my Failure to Appear post, we were on the run. My dad had just been awarded full custody when my mom neglected to show for the hearing. My mom and John had packed us up and we were on the move back east to live with his family and no one knew where we were headed or where he was from.
John came from a large family with skeletons of their own. They knew he was a violent man, but it was against their beliefs to get involved in his personal affairs. To be honest, his sisters were afraid of him. After all, it was one of his sister’s boyfriends that he had tried to kill. They had seen what he was capable of and wanted no part of it. Besides, he treated them well so they didn’t want to cross him.
We lived with John’s family for only a short time before we got a small house of our own 2 streets over. Two blocks down at the end of our street was a large wooded area and just on the other side of the trees was John’s sister’s house. My mom and I use to walk there with my sister while John was at work. John didn’t work for very long though. It was just a short time before things returned to the way they were. John met up with some of his old buddies and was quickly able to get back to dealing. The drugs invaded our house and become the focus and priority. We stopped taking those walks I use to love and I had to start looking out for my sister Jessica again because no one was there to care for her. My mom and John slept away the day and strange people showed up all hours of the night. I spent a good majority of my time in the backyard. That is where I saw it snow for the first time. I loved the snow and it wasn’t long before the backyard was covered. What I loved more though was the cage full of rabbits we had back there. I would sit and watch them for hours. It pissed
John off that I loved those rabbits, and to this day I don’t know why. He would always yell at me to get away from the cage when he noticed me there and it was often that I got my ass beat for not listening. It was always worth the beatings though, at least that’s how I saw it. The rabbits were my only escape from what was happening in my life and the only thing that made me smile.
Then came the day I was to learn my lesson. My mom and John were in the middle of a heated argument, the kind that started loud and ended in punches. I always used this time to find my jacket and make my exit out the back door. I would sing to the rabbits to drown out the yelling, sometimes it helped. Problem was that I didn’t hear the yelling stop and John was out the back door to find me by the rabbit cage. He lost it. Dragging me into the house by my hair he yelled quite a few things, but the only thing I really remember was him saying that he was “done with me”. I wish that were true. He yanked that belt of his off in one swipe like he had been practicing for that moment. He ripped off my clothes and beat my ass. I struggled at first but lost my energy and couldn’t anymore. In just a pair of socks, he dragged me to the car and off we went. He said that if I was not going to follow his rules that I was not worth living under his roof. I was now on my own.
I wasn’t sure how far we had driven but he finally stopped the car. He leaned across, opened my door and pushed me out. In just my socks I walked through the snow trying to figure out where I was. I had no clue. I sat down next to a tree for quite some time. It was cold and it made me go numb 
but it felt good to the welts all over my backside. After a while I notice the snow was turning red. I was bleeding and it scared me. Not because I was bleeding but because I was afraid someone would see me. I got up and walked, realizing that the trees looked a little familiar to me. I made my way to a carport where I layed down. I either fell asleep or passed out, I’m not quite sure. It wasn’t long though before a woman found me sleeping there. I was picked up and quickly scooped into a car. I was relieved until I opened my swollen eyes and realized it was John’s sister. She was taking me right back to him and I didn’t even have the energy to argue.
At least she held me as she knocked on their door.
Hello friend, I keep meaning to email you about that book and I will! What can one say about this post? It is brutal. It wasn’t my experience yet I cringed when I read about it. I’m sorry that you were subjected to such cruelty and disrespect during your childhood. There is NO excuse for way you were treated, or for John’s actions toward you, or for your mother’s lack of action. Thanks for sharing something that I am sure, was not easy to write.
Be well
No worries! Thanks for reading and yes, this was a difficult one and it took me a bit to get through. Thanks for being there after I pressed publish friend!
You know it!
oh dear. . .
My thoughts exactly
Oh my god… this is almost turning out to be a good thriller, but the fact is you all have lived through it. Which I find quite heartbreaking to read. Thanks again for sharing and I’ll say it again. I have so much respect for the way you are capable of sharing it all with us.
Thanks so much. Most of my childhood and a good part of my early adult life was quite suspenseful and even terrifying at times. After reading your comment I assume that is why I have been urged so many times to write about about. Thanks again for the encouragement.
O.M.G. That is one of the saddest things I have read. You often hear about victims of ‘people’ like John forgiving them, and to be honest with my hand on my heart I can say I could NEVER forgive anyone for treating another human being like that. I truely hope he is rotting some where far away from you and your family – preferably behind bars! Well done you for finding the strength to put this down on ‘paper’. Without sounding too patronising I’d like to give you ‘virtual cuddle’.
Thanks so much. I have to say that I think writing this down for other people to read has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I don’t want to give away the ending because you wouldn’t understand without first reading the story, but I assure you its nothing that anyone expects. Thanks so much for following along. ‘virtual cuddle accepted’
I always love your posts about the story of your life, although it makes me feel a bit guilty because sometimes I forget that this story actually happened to you, it’s not just something you’ve made up or something I’ve seen in a lifetime movie. It makes me soooooo sad to read this, because from reading your blog you seem like the coolest, nicest person. I love all your posts. But to hear that this is what your childhood was like, it’s just so horrible. But I’m so happy that you are able to write about it to feel better, and you never let any of your past affect your future. thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for reading. Writing about it does seem to help, especially because all of this kind of stepped back into my life recently. Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. Your thoughts are always appreciated!
Ohhh you and I have a lot in common. There were major custody battles when I was growing up, and hearing the arguing was the worst. I too would escape to my backyard and there was a tree that I would go sit against and pretend I was part of the tree, because if figured if I didn’t exist, they wouldn’t have anything for them to fight about.
I know that feeling all too well. If anything, it has made me a better parent and for that I am eternally grateful! Thanks so much for stopping by, reading, and sharing your thoughts.
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I always thought I had it hard, compared to this, I was living the dream. But you turned out okay, so it makes up for it a bit. This though, nothing could ever make up for what was done to you.
Oh my gosh, Thy. I just started reading this series of posts, but I decided to stop to comment on this one.
I’m so glad you made it through all of this.
Thanks Thoughts, and thank you for reading.
I just want you to know that I am reading it.
Thanks for reading Marina
I’m speechless.
This was a hard one to write.
sigh… is all I can say right now. xoxo