Dare to Share ~
With the holidays fast approaching, I have started thinking about gifts for the family and couldn’t help but think about that ONE very special gift I received a while back. Every year I hear people share stories either on the radio or on TV about the most ridiculous gift they have ever received, or the worst gift they have ever gotten. I want to share the most spectacular gift I have ever received with you all. This gift was spectacular, not because of what it is (which is truly spectacular by itself), but because of the great memory I have of receiving this gift.
It was shortly after I regained contact with the cousin from my post The Gene Pool that I had invited her and her husband over for Christmas. Actually they invited themselves, but that’s another story altogether. Anyways, they planned on driving in, staying for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and then leaving the following morning. Our family has a tradition where the entire family comes over to my house on Christmas Eve to exchange gifts and have a nice dinner. It is a lot of fun.
So imagine this — we are all sitting around the tree having a great old time when my cousin leans over in my ear. Her husband had a gift for me but wanted to give it to me in private. Um, ok. This caught me off guard and got my mind wandering because she had just revealed to me earlier that day that her husband had admitted to having an erotic dream about me. So, now I’m trying to figure out what in the hell this gift could be. Not only that, but how do I react? Should I let my husband in on the whole “dream” experience? He still had no clue. A part of me wanted to hit the floor and make for the door army style. Being the me that I am though, I was more curious to see this whole situation play out. First, I just had to know what was so secretive about this gift that it had to be given to me in private. Second, my cousin’s attitude about the whole thing was intriguing to me. If my husband had told me that he had an erotic dream about one of my family members, and enjoyed it, I’d be quite pissed. She didn’t seem to mind and actually joked about it. Hmm.
Later that evening we poured ourselves a drink and plopped our butts in the garage while the family spilled out of the house heading home. Some of the family that was staying with us decided to check out a local casino (still living in California at the time). I handed over the garage door opener so they could let themselves in if we were all asleep when they returned. Off they went. After about 20 minutes of sitting with my husband, cousin and her husband, she leaned over to her hubby and told him to “get it”. I assumed that this meant the gift that he had for me and I was right. He returned with a beautifully wrapped gift. As he handed it to me he said, “you’re favorite color is purple, right?” I smiled as I opened and realized that it was a purple vibrator. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I received a purple, waterproof vibrator from my cousin’s husband for Christmas! That’s just where it gets interesting. So then my cousin tells me that he has already put in the batteries, so in good fun I proceeded to take it out. My husband sat there with his jaw dropped, still completely oblivious as to what is going on. I turned the vibrator on (we are all a bit tipsy at this point) and we had a great laugh. That was until the garage door started to open on us. Caught off guard with a vibrating dildo in my hand, I panicked and threw it across the garage. The problem was that it landed in between the wall and my husbands work bench. Still on, it was vibrating against the bench and turned heads as the family returning home had to walk by while piling back into the house. We thought we were in the clear until my grandma stopped and demanded to know what the hell the vibration was. I got up and pulled out the vibrator from behind the bench. I tried to explain that it was a present that I had just opened, blah blah blah. She stood straight faced through it all. When I was done stumbling over myself she looked straight at me and asked “where in the hell is mine?”
My grandma passed away a few years back but she was one of my favorite people and this remains one of my most cherished gift-giving memories.