Love Thy Neighbor
I hate neighbors, I’ve officially decided. I decided a while ago that I would be best suited for living on my own square block in the middle of my own damn city. I’ve had my fair share of crazy neighbor run-ins and after reading a lot of your blogs lately, I know that you all have too. Even though all has been calm in the world that is my neighborhood, I thought I would share in the frustration that many of you have blogged about. Even though things have been calm over the last few months, they weren’t always. Living next to someone who does nothing but cause problems for those around them is stressful. Even though the last few months have been quiet, we know that its just a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. What will cause the explosion of neighbor fury is anyone’s guess. Ultimately, I think the world is a better place because I do not have to live in an apartment/condo/townhouse where I am forced to be within any reasonable distance of stupid people. There – I’ve said it! Neighbors are stupid.
What is it that makes the people that live next to you so incredibly irritating? What ever happened to the neighbors that brought you chicken soup when you were sick? or watered your lawn when you were out of town? I surely haven’t seen any of that in the last decade. When I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor who use to stare in my windows from his balcony (hope I put on a good show). I’ve had the neighbor who let his dog shit on everyone elses lawn. I’ve had the neighbor who had parties at 1am. I’ve had the neighbor who insisted on mowing his lawn and trimming his trees at 6am on a Sunday morning. Currently, I have the neighbor who thinks she is god and everyone is beneath her because her husband is in law enforcement. Real bitch this one. She complains about absolutely everything and is obviously so miserable in her own life that she must project it onto others. If she had a legitimate excuse to complain, I’d be the first to admit it. She has blamed us for the dog across the street barking, called us to complain that our dogs were barking when they were snoring on the couch, and even tried to complain that part of our back wall (the part she can’t even see) was not up to code for our Housing Authority (our housing authority is another post altogether). After the hubby went out of his way to prove the point that she’s being ridiculous, things have seemed to calm down. However, her attitude still makes my blood boil. My husband continues to pray that she does not come knock on the door with some irritating complaint when he’s not home to intercept. Oh yeah, I’ll throw down 
Will we move? No, because it’s somewhat sadistically entertaining that she is so easily irritated. I’m considering using (11)’s air-soft gun to become a sniper. Don’t worry, I’ll wear camouflage. Besides, I won’t even have to hit her. I’d just have to hit her hair. One hair out of place might send her into a frenzy and we’ll have to have her committed. I wonder if I should send them pictures of their daughter sneaking around the corner with the boy they don’t approve of? Nahhh, the poor daughter lives with them so she suffers enough!
Share your neighbor tales–
You can be so evil and I love you for that. I really enjoy reading all these blogs, because they make me smile so big.
We had some real bad stuff going on with some neighbour a decade ago. He was always looking through the window, throwing milk on them, making noice in the middle of the night, moan his lawn at six in the morning. He was also putting sinces on his balcony, claiming we didn’t gave a ball back, whilst he never even asked for anyone to get it of the roof and throw it back. My parents decided to move. A couple of years he has hung himself and the little sadist in me is kind a hard on that one. I don’t care. He deserved it. Not for being a bad neighbour, but he was a bad father to his children as well. Or is this too hard?
I have alwasy thought that neighbors became nasty people when they were so unhappy in their own life and had nothing better to do than cause havoc for other, more happier people. Obviously, this would be the case with your neighbor.
Unfortunately. Sad really. I always wonder how one gets so fed up with his life he is able to do such thing. And more important. How did he get to the point where there was no way back to a happy life?
I would love to have a sign like that for the yard but I’m sure the association would have a field day with us.
Yes, they would.
I WANT THAT SIGN!!!!
I want you to email me when you feel like blowing up your neighbor. Seriously, vent away!
Here, read this: http://ryoko861.wordpress.com/2010/09/02/love-thy-neighbor-not/
You’re not alone and this is just the tip of the iceberg. Got 2 hours? I’ll tell ya more! It never ends!
Yes, neighbors are ASSHOLES! I said if for you again!
Somehow I knew you would understand! LOL. I will definitely email you when I feel a homicide coming on
Oh my God, are you sure you want me to voice my POV? First, my problem has always been upstairs neighbors. Why I am constantly plagued with noisy bastards living above me, is a question that I still don’t know the answer to. I moved into my first apartment and discovered that the landlord was a drunk (so imagine all the stumbling) and she rented rooms to students. Great. Then I moved. I then found myself with a stripper bitch who listened to music loudly at all hours of the night, and who stomped around in heels. She was replaced by the guy and his “son” (I say that loosely) who did kung fu or some other shit that made my ceiling feel like it would come down on me at any minute. Then they moved, and some old butt-hole moved in and stomped around . So I bought a condo. It was dead silent when I visited. I moved in, thrilled to finally have peace and quiet, until the night when I heard loud stomping. This is when I discovered that the old bastard upstairs, had been in Florida when I visited. God damn it! I have since named him Stomping Tom – and I own several sets of earplugs. Last summer, the next-door neighbor’s 40-something son moved in again. This time, with a dog. He watched me doing yoga all summer, he banged on my door holding geranium buds, he sat out in the dark in the car park waiting for me to come home. Him and his fucking yapping dog. Then he started letting his dog shit on my lawn. Let me tell you – the next time I buy property it’s going to be a house in the middle of the woods, where the only thing I hear are the damn crows cawing!
Of course I do! I’m so sorry that I’m laughing through this but it just sounds so damn familiar to me. What the hell is wrong with people, I mean honestly? You know how I feel about the yoga peeper. You need to get yourself a weapon of some sorts. If you find that house in the woods, I’m coming with you!
Oh, the yoga peeper/owner of the shitting dog is MOVING! OR rather, he is forcing his mother to sell her condo because he doesn’t want to give up his shitting dog. Can you believe the nerve!? I’m working on finding the appropriate weapon. I think that it needs to involve some kind of projectile mechanism – for when I need to aim far
You would love it in my neighborhood. I don’t know any of them.
We all try to avoid each other and much as possible.
Its quite nice.
Sounds like it. Does you neighborhood come in Vegas style?
If so, I’ll take 2!
You have to do the sniping! That will be hilarious! Lucky for us, we only have one neighbor and they are hermits that we never see. We have a greenbelt on the other side of the house, nothing behind us, and a lake out the front door. Real quiet…… After reading of your neighbor issues, I am so glad I live in such a quiet area.
oooh. A lake out the front door? I want a lake out my front door! It’d be easier to hide the neighbor’s bodies in. LOL, I most definitely will do the sniping if we cross paths again. I’ll be taking the gun with me to check the mail from here on out
Neighbors on one side are assholes. Neighbors on the other side are profoundly hearing-impaired (with hearing children!), racists and are constantly in trouble with child protective services. It’s nice to know that we’re not the only ones with issues.
That’s awful. That’s why I wanted to share. I noticed that a lot of people were having neighbor issues lately. Can’t we all just get along? LOL
When I was living on rooms, the girl above me used to play loud music – which didn’t really bother me until I went to sleep. So we had an agreement I would ‘bonk’ against the ceiling when it was too much. This worked nicely until one time she either didn’t hear me or ignored me flat, and I hit the ceiling so hard I actually hit through it… . Currently my Indian neighbour likes Indian music too much too my liking, but then again I’m not sure if she likes the accordion… so I guess that makes us even
.
LOL! That’s hilarious. I can just picture you there with bits of ceiling coming down.
Thats definitely something that would happen to me. If she hasn’t asked about her music levels, you don’t need to ask about yours. You are most definitely even!
Sometimes neighbors stink. I have one good and one bad.
The bad one told me I couldn’t park behind my house. I retailated by posting her underwear on my blog:
http://thoughtsappear.wordpress.com/2010/09/20/underoos-payback-granny-panty-style/
LMAO, I just read it! oh my god that’s hilarious. Has she bought a dryer yet? You should have put a note on her front door with the link to your blog. That’s awesome
She must have one since it’s been snowing here.
I’m not brave enough to give her the link to my blog. I’m afraid she’ll make my life miserable.
I guess I’m lucky. I have really great neighbors. The woman who lives across the street can be a bitch at times but she has a second home in Vail and third home in Phoenix so she’s away most of the time.
You are VERY lucky. I wish my neighbor had three homes. It would make life so much easier!
Thanks for stopping by.
LMAO!!!! I’m sorry I’ve been AWOL. I’m back up and running or so I hope. As for neighbors, I’d gladly trade places with you. I live in a studio apartment, and I have the distinct pleasure of listening to two morbidly obese neighbors throw down no less than 3x a day. Sure, I’m probably mildly jealous, but I’m also equally repulsed. Good times. Wendy
Glad to see you’re up and running. I worked in a private office building a long time ago and had some office neighbors that went at it at random times. After a month or so I finally saw them walking out to their cars and let’s just say they looked nothing like I thought……. Ugh