Love Thy Neighbor
I hate neighbors, I’ve officially decided. I decided a while ago that I would be best suited for living on my own square block in the middle of my own damn city. I’ve had my fair share of crazy neighbor run-ins and after reading a lot of your blogs lately, I know that you all have too. Even though all has been calm in the world that is my neighborhood, I thought I would share in the frustration that many of you have blogged about. Even though things have been calm over the last few months, they weren’t always. Living next to someone who does nothing but cause problems for those around them is stressful. Even though the last few months have been quiet, we know that its just a matter of time before all hell breaks loose. What will cause the explosion of neighbor fury is anyone’s guess. Ultimately, I think the world is a better place because I do not have to live in an apartment/condo/townhouse where I am forced to be within any reasonable distance of stupid people. There – I’ve said it! Neighbors are stupid.
What is it that makes the people that live next to you so incredibly irritating? What ever happened to the neighbors that brought you chicken soup when you were sick? or watered your lawn when you were out of town? I surely haven’t seen any of that in the last decade. When I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor who use to stare in my windows from his balcony (hope I put on a good show). I’ve had the neighbor who let his dog shit on everyone elses lawn. I’ve had the neighbor who had parties at 1am. I’ve had the neighbor who insisted on mowing his lawn and trimming his trees at 6am on a Sunday morning. Currently, I have the neighbor who thinks she is god and everyone is beneath her because her husband is in law enforcement. Real bitch this one. She complains about absolutely everything and is obviously so miserable in her own life that she must project it onto others. If she had a legitimate excuse to complain, I’d be the first to admit it. She has blamed us for the dog across the street barking, called us to complain that our dogs were barking when they were snoring on the couch, and even tried to complain that part of our back wall (the part she can’t even see) was not up to code for our Housing Authority (our housing authority is another post altogether). After the hubby went out of his way to prove the point that she’s being ridiculous, things have seemed to calm down. However, her attitude still makes my blood boil. My husband continues to pray that she does not come knock on the door with some irritating complaint when he’s not home to intercept. Oh yeah, I’ll throw down
Will we move? No, because it’s somewhat sadistically entertaining that she is so easily irritated. I’m considering using (11)’s air-soft gun to become a sniper. Don’t worry, I’ll wear camouflage. Besides, I won’t even have to hit her. I’d just have to hit her hair. One hair out of place might send her into a frenzy and we’ll have to have her committed. I wonder if I should send them pictures of their daughter sneaking around the corner with the boy they don’t approve of? Nahhh, the poor daughter lives with them so she suffers enough!
Share your neighbor tales–