Mamby Pamby Land
A blogging friend recently had a post titled “Life Lessons” where she listed some things that she has learned over her life time. The last thing she listed was that Mamby Pamby Land had her intrigued. Being as I go there regularly, I felt compelled to share this info with her (they know me well there). I also gave her the option of saying that I sent her (she’d get the VIP treatment, of course). What is this Mamby Pamby Land, you ask?
Therapist: “Maybe we should chug on over to mamby-pamby land where maybe we can find some confidence for you, you jackwagon.” - Geico commercial 2010
With all the recent media coverage of said “Mamby Pamby Land”, I knew that people would start asking questions. Was I truly panicked? No. Mamby Pamby land isn’t for everyone. I knew that when I revealed I had been to Mamby Pamby Land it would open up a sea of questions. The first, and most important question came almost instantly.
“What’s it like in Mamby Pamby Land?”
In Mamby Pamby Land, all is right in the world. The things I see out of the corner of my eye are still there when I turn to look at them. People don’t look at me like I’m crazy when I ask if they’ve said something. When I think I may have just heard something and ask others if they’ve just heard it too, they all say yes (and with great enthusiasm). My favorite songs are always playing on the radio, the news is produced by the onion network, and my cranberry and vodka is always full. In this land of ridiculously dressed people (providing hours of entertainment), no one invades my personal space while shopping. Mr T knows how to drive (without giving me a heart attack) and the kid’s beds are always made. There is always a fresh pot of coffee and the smell of it brewing always fills the house. It is always warm enough to get naked but cold enough to be able to light a fire. My favorite shows and movies are what is listed in the guide. This is a land where a winning lottery ticket isn’t the answer. This is the land of inner insanity. They know me well here and I feel welcome.
The second and third questions were of no surprise either. “Bubbles? Unicorns?” - But, of course!
Is the most important thing about Mamby Pamby Land what it’s like there? I’m not so sure. The final question asked may be.
“Hmmm, I’m kinda likin’ Mamby Pamby Land. How do I get there?”
The road to Mamby Pamby Land is different for everyone because it all depends on where you are starting from. For me it started with a few medical disorders. I took a right at the bumps in the road which led me to a place called Insomnia. Traveling through Insomnia, I found myself moving slowly down a road of sleep deprivation. I parked in the town of marriage and motherhood where I thought I could finally rest for a bit (boy was I mistaken). After renting a trailer to haul along my three comedians and crazy side kick, I continued along the path of sleep deprivation to Hallucination Square. In the center of Hallucination square (between where the unicorns are sleeping and the bubbles start to blow) is a street sign that reads “Mamby Pamby Land” with arrows pointing in all directions. I knew that I arrived. Mind you, if I make a u-turn I’ll just be sitting as a grumpy ass bitch on the couch with my drink.
So, if you are heading in the direction of Mamby Pamby Land and are hoping for the VIP experience, please tell them I sent you. If you are hoping for an easier route to get there, plan a trip to Vegas. I’ll take you there. Cranberry and vodka anyone?