I’d like to Thank the Academy
So yesterday I let you all in on the news that I had been given an award. Isn’t this exciting? Today is my red carpet event. Did you all come in formal wear? I warned you there’d be paparazzi………….
Unfortunately, I was unavailable on the day of the awards when my good blogging buddy (wordpress wife/gangsta sista in crime) Marina presented me with this fine award. There was a group of pygmies with spears that were about to accept on my behalf, when a drunken Lohan swooped on my award while trampling them with her hooker clicks.
After the pygmies regrouped and wrestled her to the ground, the were able to salvage the award and made sure it was waiting safely on my desk upon my return. So without further ado……
So what does all this mean? (hang on, posing for pictures)
First I’d like to the the academy, the academy of wordpress wives and gangsta sistas for presenting me with this prestigious award. I’d also like to thank the pygmies with spears who risked life, limb and weapon to combat the Lohan in my honor. I’d like to thank all the little people (of course) for making this moment possible. I’d like to thank the paparrazi for only capturing my good side and burning the rest of the film. I’d like to thank Frye’s Electronics where I purchased the laptop on which I blog.
Now that all of the formalities are done, we can move on to the nitty gritty of it all. I must list seven things about myself that you may, or may not, already know. Then I must present seven others bloggers with this award (thus the red carpet and junk).
- I am cheating on cranberry and vodka (gasp). Shhhh. You can’t tell her though, I beg of you. I have fallen in love with a seductive little number I’d like to call my almond joy. What is she, you ask? A good lover never kisses and tells! Oh who am I kidding? The world should know of this goodness! Malibu coconut rum, chocolate liqeuer and milk. Yum!
- I love scary movies but always look away. I have loved scary movies ever since I was little and am always excited to pop one in. The problem is that I can never watch them alone (Mr T hates them) and I always look away. Sometimes when we need to take a bathroom break, (12) and I have to go together. I’m retarded.
- I love baseball. I was an athletic kid who played all kinds of sports and was even a cheerleader but my one true love was for baseball. I am thankful that (11) caught the baseball fever because I swore I would never push an interest or hobby onto my kids.
- Wine gives me a headache. I hate going to parties or special occasions (weddings, etc) where you feel obligated to sip on some wine. Just one sip gives me a headache. I don’t know why, to be honest. Oh I’ll toast your ass but it will be with my drink of choice. I love to cook with wine though.
- I use to smoke. I started smoking when I was 11 years old. How is this possible you ask? If you have read any of my “journey here” posts you could understand this concept, I’m sure. April 19th will be two years since I’ve quit and it’s an accomplishment I am very proud of. How did I do it? I just woke up one day and said “I’m done”. I went from smoking a whole hell of a lot to nothing at all and have lived to tell about it.
- The pictures I have posted in my profile and on facebook are in fact me. I have been asked through emails if it is me for reals, and I can say that YES it is me for reals!
- I do not like liars and do not easily forgive people. As a teenager, I realized that nothing pissed me off more than being lied to and this anger increased as I became an adult. I do not judge people and am a very open minded person. All I ask for is this truth. If you have done something horribly wrong, be an adult and be honest with me about it. I will respect you more for being truthful. If you lie to me, you are not worthy of my time. I have walked away from many friendships that have spanned years because of this. I have no regrets with those decisions either. I have raised my children on the basis of this “no lie” policy and I strongly believe thats why they trust me the way that they do. Why am I like this? I am starting to think that it’s because I was lied to my entire childhood.
So now on to the fun part. Which seven bloggers do I feel deserve the honor of receiving such a prestigious award?
- Waxing Lyrical – This blogging buddy of mine has managed to make me piss myself on more than one occasion with her brilliant (and stylish) social etiquette posts. They are a definite must read.
- Experification – This blogger has a stylish way of blogging about world events, technology, music, movies, sports and dating. He posts all of this from a country that doesn’t exist! Don’t believe me? Just ask the crazy postal bitches I came across when attempting to send him a Christmas card.
- The Soapbox – This blogger has a stylish way of telling everyone to go to hell. Its absolutely fantastic! From her rants about TLC and the shows that they air to her latest post “Dear Slutface“, she is sure to have you in tears.
- Random Musings of a Mad Mama – This blogger has a stylish way of sharing her thoughts on parenthood, relationships and life. She decided to move to the city on a whim and posted her way through the journey.
- Miss Tazia Marie - This blogging buddy shares her life and has a fantistically stylish way of doing so. She blogs about food, friends and family. She loves photgraphy and has recently started a photography blog as well. She is recently engaged (awwwwwww) and is sharing the journey of putting a wedding together. Congrats to Miss Tazia and Brian!
- The Idiot Speaketh – This blogging friend has a super stylish way of making us all laugh at life, love, marriage, parenthood, disability and even depression. Anyone who can laugh at themselves as much as I do and find humor in the most serious of situations is stylish in my book.
- Hacking Vegas – This fool has absolutely no fashion sense and I am starting to wonder if he is color blind. He started a blog so that he could spy on me and can’t drive for shit. He bitches and whines like a little girl about everything and seriously needs a babysitter. So why am I giving him this award? Because he currently has a gun pointed at my right temple. Aside from that, he blogs about the craziness he comes across as a Las Vegas cabbie and writes it all from his cab. Besides, he’s married to me and that in itself takes some damn style. Love you babe!
Okay…..everyone pose for pictures!
There are so many bloggers that deserve this award that it was difficult to narrow it down. I couldn’t give it to the blogger who awarded it to me (she’s oh so stylish) and tried to keep from awarding those who have already received it. Thank you all for attending the ceremonies. Please be sure to remember all your valuables when exiting and have a nice day!