Little Digs
Again with this “family” of mine.
Most of my loyal readers are familiar with at least a little background on my family. For those of you who aren’t, you can read a bit about my screwed up childhood HERE. The next installment on my childhood will be posted soon so now is the time to catch up or get familiar if need be. The most recent development came not too long ago when I found out that I had a brother I never knew about. If you missed that post and the story, you can catch up on that HERE.
So now that we are all up to speed on my so called “family”, let me fill you in on my current frame of mind and this mornings events.
Since getting the phone call about Michael, my dad has yet to call me or make an attempt to explain anything. There have been ZERO discussions, explanations, apologies, NOTHING. I don’t judge people by the mistakes they have made in their past (lord knows I’ve made a ton). Considering the emphasis my father put on “never wanting children” as his excuse for my fucked up childhood, I assumed I would at least get a phone call or something. I got nothing. I am pissed and have realized that nothing was quite what it seemed and every excuse I’ve ever made for that man was a bunch of bullshit. I refuse to do it any longer. I decided I would not call him at all, but rather wait for him to call me. He hasn’t.
One of my biggest issues with my father and my step mom is their complete lack of involvement. If they don’t want to be involved in my life and the kids’ lives then that is fine with me. That’s not what really pisses me off. It’s the fact that they pretend to give a shit, make empty promises to kids and never follow through. They are extremely unreliable and can never be counted on for anything. They have not even once come out to visit 13, even when she has been hospitalized. I’m tired of playing nice with people who aren’t worth my energy.
We have been working tirelessly on this fundraiser and have done fairly well for 13 (I’ll post the results of it all when the fundraiser is done). We started getting some great results from all of you, as well as from twitter. So I decided to post about the fundraiser on Facebook, as did 13, and why it is so important to us. Our entire family knows very well how 13′s health has been and how much we have struggled. You would think that an extended family would pitch in for such a great cause. I mean, this Foundation is the one responsible for 13′s medical care for cryin’ out loud.
Nope. Nothing.
The only family support we have received is from Mr T’s parents. From my family?
Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Nothing.
It’s not the fact that they haven’t pledged that gets me. I don’t care about the money. Not one stinking one of them has even acknowledged that 13 is involved in a fundraiser. No one has asked how it is going, how she is doing, what’s all involved or anything. No one has offered to come bowl on her behalf or anything.
And these people are family?
I find it sad that people I have never even met have taken their time to check how my daughter is doing and how her treatments are going while my family hasn’t shown one ounce of concern. People I have never met have opened up their wallets to donate to a Foundation that cares for children with cancer and other blood diseases, while my family has done nothing. If there is one thing I’ve learned it’s that my opinion of them being not worth my time and energy was DEAD ON. They just are not.
But just as they usually do, when I think they possible can’t get any lower, they pull another rabbit out of their hat. Like this morning. In the past two conversations I have had with my step mom, I have brought up the fundraiser twice. Not because I was asking for money but because I was in the middle of taking care of something for the fundraiser and she asked what I was doing. Both times she felt the need to inform me of how incredibly busy they’ve been (my father is retired and she only works 4 days a week) and how they are broke because they had to replace carpet, buy new furniture, etc. (they have quite a bit of money)
Ummmmm, okay but I never asked you for anything.
She also goes on to explain that they really don’t have free time to do ANYTHING and that she would be out here supporting 13 if she could but she doesn’t even have the time to visit the doctor.
I didn’t ask for any of that information because we already concluded that you guys don’t give a flying shit, but whatever.
So you have no time to check on your granddaughter’s deteriorating health? Okay. I was expecting nothing more from you guys so that’s truly not a shocker. But then why did I get an email from you this morning about your trip to go visit someone else? Not just anyone but an old nurse of grandma’s from like three years ago that called you last minute to get together? A woman that you barely knew and only met one time? A woman that you had to drive 2 and a half hours to visit?
I get it, I really do. I already knew where my health and my daughter’s health rated on your list of importance and priorities. I just don’t think you need to lower my already minuscule level of respect for you people by getting these “little digs” in.
THIS:
Is obviously so much more important than this:
Please excuse me while I go punch something.
Sadly, we cannot choose family and some only do things out of the guilt of obligation because of the blood-link. It is far more important to have friends who have chosen to be around out of love, never obligation. All the best on the fundraiser! -XO- Jen (aka Firecracker3)
You are absolutely right and I love you all. Thanks Jen
How infuriating!!!
I totally understand your feelings and you are warrantied!!! Geez, some people (excuse me for saying this) but can be so god damn selfish.
Truth is that woman has never HAD children. So she has no love and concern in her like that.
Children change you and make you more aware of the world.
Eff that.
its her loss!!!! Cause 13 is gonna became a model, rich and famous and probably marry….. Justin Bieber !!!
You are right. She has never had any children of her own. But have you ever just wanted to shake the shit out of someone and tell them to get a clue? I almost feel sorry for the both of them. They have no idea what love is. They deserve each other.
They never disappoint when it comes to disappointing.
You’re right. they don’t.
my friends have become my family and though it doesnt replace the bad past, they are a great comfort and love to me. Sometimes we have to choose our family when the ones we were given prove to be not enough. My support and love to you and your family and i hope you find comfort in your friend family.
You are absolutely right.
Wow…I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with all of this. I can’t imagine the level of pain and frustration that you’ve had to deal with, but just keep focusing on 13 and the blessing that she is!
Thanks for reading. She has been a wonderful focus.
I can totally relate to this! My kids father was/is just like these people. Self involved 100% with no time for his three daughters. Oh what tangled webs we weave for ourselves. ugh.
Unfortunately I was born into this crap but my first husband was the exact same way. Could be why our marriage didn’t work out. Ha!
How sad for you. I hope you’re able to let go of the anger and frustration because that’s what binds yo to them. Let them go with love and be miserable all by themselves.
They are quite miserable aren’t they? Thanks so much and yes, you are right.
I’m surprised you’ve kept up relations this long. I wrote my relatives off years ago. Being accused of causing one cousin his drug addiction. I think not!
It must pain your MIL to call you. I wonder if your father puts her up to it because HE can’t or doesn’t know what to say or how to say it.
Thy, you don’t need this grief. You’ve got a loving little family right where you are. You are right in not calling them anymore or even making any contact. With all the events going on in your life, you don’t need their issues. Neither does your family.
I think you’re right about the stepmom calling me. It’s funny because there have been a few times where she’s said
“well who am I to talk because I’m just sounding like a hypocrite”. Um, ya think?
You’re right, I don’t need this grief. They really have no clue what they are missing.
I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter and that your family has been absolutely non-existent. I’ve actually written off my father’s family because they never have been interested in me and my mother, well, she doesn’t have any family.
The situation you are being put through is so ridiculous and I only wish the best for you and your daughter.
Thanks so much Sarah. Its sad that we’ve had to write family off like that but I’m learning more and more all the time that family isn’t necessarily what you’re born into, but what you make it.
*hugs* Man, relatives totally suck sometimes, don’t they? I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all this crap. I understand your anger … I’ve been there myself. Sadly though there isn’t a hell of a lot you can do to wake them up. They’ll never truly understand what they are missing. Just don’t be angry with yourself for holding out hope that they will change, OK? Love you guys … and give 13 a big hug for me, for luck in the tournament tomorrow (it is tomorrow, right?).
Yes, the Fundraiser is tomorrow and we are all excited! We’ve done great in raising pledges and have worked hard to get here so we are planning on having a blast
I will update everyone next week on the results of the fundraiser. Thanks so much for all of your support and well wishes for 13. It really has meant the world.
How frustrating! =( I know it must be hard but try not to waste your time/energy on them. Your blog family loves you. =)
Can’t wait to hear more about the fundraiser!
I have tried to let go of quite a few things over the last few years and have actually been quite successful. i think that this is one of the last things that really needs to go. It has really become a waste of time and energy that I don’t have.
I love you guys too and can’t wait to fill you all in on the results of the fundraiser!
Not sure what to say…. this is just horrible. Unfortunately, we can’t choose our family and we just have to wait and see who comes true in times when it matters most. This week, I realized I am blessed with a wonderful family. I just wish you had te same. Maybe it comforts you to know that I love you.
Thanks Marcos! It is comforting and I love you guys too
Oh, I so want one of those “bang head here” signs! Maybe two, one for work & one for home lol!
isn’t it great? I am currently putting them up in every room in my house. I’ve contemplated taking them to places I frequent (grocery store, restaurants, etc.) It would be totally worth the weird looks
read Judith Viorst-Necessary Losses. You have to break out of this trap that seems to consume you.
I’m so sorry. Many of my husband’s side of the family (not all but many) are that way about our kids. I honestly don’t think some of them could possibly care less about the kids. It hurts, but whenever I think of it, I just try to remind myself that if that is the kind of people they are, then my kids are better off without their messed up influence in their lives anyway.