Going for Pessimism
My New Years Sucked.
Look, I ain’t gotta lie to kick it and I sure as hell don’t have the energy to sugar coat shit for you people so ……
IT SUCKED ASS!
He's coming for me
I am sick. Not just any kind of sick but the kind of sick that attaches itself to your bones and hangs on for dear life. You know, the kind of sick that makes you want to die. Yep! That’s it. That’s my kind of sick.
Now because of all of my medical problems there are issues I face that go along with being this sick. First, there is only one cold medication that I can take. When that medicine doesn’t work, I’m shit outta luck. Guess what? I’ve been shit outta luck and begging for a quick death for almost a week now. Second, a simple cold can go down hill for me really quick people. By really quick I mean I’ve had a cold send me into kidney failure and a sinus infection cause a heart attack. My immune system is compromised. I’d trade it in for a better model but the economy sucks.
They got me!
So why am I telling you all of this? Because for the passed week I have had to deal with a paranoid Mr T -
I SHIFT MY WEIGHT
”Are you ready to go to the hospital yet?”
I COUGH
”Are you ready to go to the hospital yet?”
I SNEEZE
”Are you ready to go to the hospital yet?”
I TAKE A DEEP BREATHE
”Are you ready to go to the hospital yet?”
I PEE
“How’d it come out? Are you ready to go to the hospital yet?”
NO THANK YOU
So while everyone else on the face of the planet (this is my self pity so let me just have this please) was partying it up with the stars, drinking cocktails, wearing short ass dresses and hooker clicks, and having earth shattering sex they were hoping to hide from their spouses, I WAS IN BED. I had a fever, was sick as shit, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, and retired to my bed with full intention of dying at 9pm. Now considering my 2012 has started off in the toilet, I was not at all a bit surprised when this death gripped illness suddenly turned itself into a stomach flu too.
I’m not expecting much from this wretched year they are calling 2012. However, I did manage to come up with two resolutions for 2012 while I was dying in bed that I thought I would share with you all.
1. Stop trying to be optimistic ~ While laying in bed and waiting for my impending death, I lay wishing I had the energy to reach for the remote. It was then that I realized I take my physical and emotional energy for granted. I mean, how much energy have I wasted on stupid shit when it could’ve been reserved for this exact moment? I could have had the energy to reach for the remote if my energy wasn’t wasted on something else, something like optimism. Screw optimism man! It’s overrated. I have spent countless hours and energy on trying to be optimistic (all rainbows and butterflies) on shit that never worked out anyways. Now, I could’ve been optimistic that I would have enough energy to grab that damn remote, but who was I kidding? I was optimistic that Mr T would shut the hell up and stop talking to me but that didn’t quite work out either. As a matter of fact, he kept on talking. And as I sat there listening to him chatter away while I concentrated on trying to take another breathe, I wondered why people (Mr T) even bothered talking to me at all…. I mean, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the podcast that discusses the size of Liam Neeson’s cock, a show that may be coming out next week on FX, or an accident that happened near the strip when I wasn’t even fucking awake anyways. I AM TRYING TO BREATHE for fuck’s sake.
Wink Wink
Inhale…… Exhale ………. Moving On
2. Survive until 2013 ~ Now I am not worried about the world ending in 2012 or any of that other hooplah. As a matter of fact, I think that it is more likely we have a zombie Apocalypse where we kill each other off. Wait!?! Is that what’s happening in 2012? I’ve watched Zombieland so I should be good. I’ll just head in any direction that I could find Twinkies and Woody Harrelson will save me (if you haven’t watched Zombieland yet I suggest you go prepare yourself now. You’re welcome!). Anyways, my resolution to survive until 2013 has nothing to do with any of that shit. It is just a matter of survival. I figure, if I stop wasting precious energy on stupid shit like optimism and Mr T stops talking to me about Liam Neeson’s cock, I may have a chance.
Now if you all will excuse me, I have an appointment with some tea.
It's really me. I took this pic with my iPhone.
let me know when you are ready to go to the hospital…. ok?
oh how large is Liam’s penis?
You’d have to ask Mr T about that, and no I am not kidding!
It’s SOO BIG you’ll have to go here liamneesonscock.tumblr.com/ to find out
Really babe, really? STOP TALKING TO ME!
I love your way of writing. It is sad, maybe even a bit aggressive. Ir is direct, without any excuses. Thanks! Your way of writing is very similar to my way of writing, at least in my books. I am writing one book now, and want to get published, this year. But to write the way you do in your blog.. makes me scared. I WANT to do it, but… it scares me. Im scared of getting to personal, and to write too much about my self. What if it hurts me? What are your thoughts about that issue, and how do you do to write so personal in your blog?
Thanks for sharing, and keep up the good work.
Magie
Thanks for commenting. To be honest, this is just me. This is how I am even when I don’t have a laptop sitting in front of me. No excuses, just me and the humor I use to make it through mt day. I haven’t had the easiest life and I’ve chosen to use humor to cope rather than to sit and cry about it. It is something that has just always worked for me. When I first started my blog I was nervous about what would happen if the things I wrote got around to people I know. With each post that I wrote, I became a little less guarded. It was only a couple weeks before I finally said screw it. Whats the point of writing a post if I can’t speak my mind? And what the hell am I afraid of anyways? People getting to know what’s really on my mind? I usually speak what I’m thinking anyways and if the people around me can’t handle that, they weren’t worth my time to begin with. Life is short. Say what is on your mind and do what you feel because before you know it, the opportunity will have passed.
Glad you enjoy my blog. I look forward to your comments and good luck in your writing
I wish you all the best through this rough period. Just let me know when you are ready for the hospital, so I can send flowers in advance.
Will hire a hitman to get rit of that damn Liam Neeson though!
You would do that? For me? That would be awesome! Although I think Mr T might miss him
You should have seen me in that dress too! I felt better than you did, that night anyway, but was asleep on the couch by 10:30. Whoo-hoo! I really hope your 2012 gets better–the world needs you.
Sorry your night was a dud too. 2012 has to be better, right? How can it be any worse? Shit! There goes that damn optimism again. Screw it
2012 is gonna suck balls!
If your feeling that shitty, go to the hospital. Expelling energy to get the remote should be spent getting your ass in the car and out of the car into a hospital bed. I know it’s the last place you want to spend the first couple DAYS of 2012, but it beats spending a MONTH in YOUR bed feeling like death warmed over.
Don’t think all of us were out getting plastered for New Years. My 2012 was spent watching Ghost Busters I and II and being woken up at 3am by a phone call from my son to come get him because his friend was too inebriated to drive him home. Didn’t bother me, but believe me, partying wasn’t in the plans.
Get some medical help please. Your body isn’t strong enough to fight off these viruses.
I’m already doing better than I was. I know I’m stubborn. Mr T reminds me of that every day
What he doesn’t tell everyone is that he is just as stubborn as I am, just in different areas. Just ask him how to prepare mac n cheese and you’ll get a taste of how crazy that man can be!
Ugh, you poor thinng. If it helps I had no sex on NYE, kisses or otherwise but being sick still stinks! I know you will kick this so soon!
No sex? Nothing? Well shit! 2012 has to be better, right? (you can lie to me, I won’t hold it against you)
I’m already starting to feel a little better. A national “Show Thy your Boobs” day would be fantastic, but I’m willing to settle for “my fever is finally gone”.
I hope you are up and around now. Poor thing. That is the worst feeling ever. And if I was Mr T probably would have been just as paranoid.
And annoying…
So seriously about Liam Neesons cock?
You know I gotta look this up.
Seriously.
Seriously.
liamneesonscock.tumblr.com/
That’s all I have to say (courtesy of Mr T)
First: my sympathy. This was the first New Year in memory when I haven’t been sick. so naturally I induced it by downing two bottles of Champagne. ugh.
You Deserve a self=pity rant. How you manage to write, take care of the kids and concentrate on cock all at the same time is remarkable.
Hell, I barely manage the energy to make coffee in the morning.
Feel better, don’t kill Mr. T; I suggest a ball gag but that’s just a personal preference.
p.s. had no business drinking ANY champagne on my meds heh. Fuck it, as you said.
Misanthropically Yours,
Miss R
To be honest, if I could hire someone to make my coffee in the morning, life would be golden! Unfortunately for me, I haven’t won the lottery yet (Nevada doesn’t have one) and Mr T has to work 5 mornings outta my week so I’m stuck doing it my damn self.
Sheesh.
I’m so old and married I would have been happy if my husband would have found someone other than me to have earth shattering sex. As long as it didn’t cost him too much money. I’m hoping you make it to 2013, but I kind of like talking about cock too..so not sure I’d be willing to give that up.
I say we just drink our way through 2012 and pretend we remember how the year went. Then we can say it was an awesome year and even WE won’t know we are full of shit!
Sometimes I just love this mind of mine. Brilliant, I tell you