This conversation ACTUALLY happened between Mr T and I the other night while driving home from grocery shopping. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried ……..
“So you know, I was listening to a podcast and they were doing some research on Seal….”
I looked over at him with one eye.
“Yeah. You know, as in Seal and Heidi?”
“Yes, I know who Seal is.”
“Oh. Well, you know those scars he has on his face?”
“I think we all do dear.”
“Well do you know how he got them?” he asked in an “I know something you don’t know” kinda tone.
“No, I don’t. I just assumed he was in an accident or something.”
“Yeah. A lot of people thought that. Actually (the “I’m a really smart person for knowing this before you” tone has started to emerge now), he has Lupus.”
“Really? Hmmmm. I never would have thought that. Interesting.”
“Did you know that there was a form of Lupus that could do that?”
“Yes dear. It’s called Discoid Lupus, and now that you mention it, it makes sense.” – having been previously diagnosed with Lupus, I am extremely familiar.
“Okay. Just thought you might be interested.”
“That IS interesting. Thanks.”
“Oh and you know what else?”
WAIT FOR IT……………..
I take a deep breathe, “WHAT?”
“Did you know he’s black?”
“What? Of course I know he’s black. Why?”
“Oh, well shit. Cause I didn’t”
Leery of what the answer might be I asked… “you didn’t?”
“Well who did you think he was?”
“You know that white guy? The one with the short bleachy kinda hair? He sometimes wears glasses? His name starts with an S too and it’s just one word?”
He gets all loud like “YEAH! That’s him! That’s who I thought Seal was!”
“Really? Are you kidding me?”……. I’ve now started laughing hysterically.
He starts laughing because I’m laughing at him, “What? What’s so damn funny?”
“I could TOTALLY see how you’d screw that up. I mean, Seal is black and bald and Sting is white and “bleachy”! Makes total fucking sense to me”
We’re both laughing harder now. But when Mr T laughs he squints and can’t see. If you make him laugh while he’s driving, this could be dangerous. We are starting to approach a section where Metro sits and waits for cars that are speeding. Mr T is swerving while he’s laughing and the harder he tries to stop the worse he gets.
“Exactly! ( insert his attempt at seal barking and a stingray here) See? They’re similar!”
“You’re an idiot”
“Stop making me laugh. I can’t see.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“I’m not joking. stop making me laugh. I’m gonna get pulled over because I’m swerving and look like a drunk driver.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Officer, I’m not drunk. I swear.”
“Everyone says that. You’re an idiot.”
“My wife was making me laugh and I couldn’t see.”
“Because you’re an idiot.”
“I thought Seal was Sting.”
“You should be arrested. You’re an idiot.”
We pulled into our driveway. He took a deep breathe.
“I love you. That was great. We should talk like this more. Entertaining AND educational!”
“You’re still an idiot.”