Yesterday I sat in front of my computer and for the first time in a very long time I felt the need to post something. I wrote up a few different things before finally hitting the publish button.
“Still breathing” was the first thing I typed. While true, it in no way conveyed what I was thinking or feeling.
“So much to say, so little time” was the second thing I typed. While honest, it in no way conveyed what I was thinking or feeling.
And after typing, deleting, retyping and deleting some sarcastic comments…..
“People suck, that is all”
“My kids are going to be the death of me”
“Someone send a lifeboat to save me from all of this bullshit”
“Happy Hump Day! I can’t wait to get me some “
…. I ended with the quote I posted. It was true, honest, conveyed what I was thinking and feeling, and reflected why I have been so busy I haven’t been able to type. Sometimes as parents we get so caught up, with good reason, in taking care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves. The more we do, the more we want (or think) we can do until we get so caught up in it all that we forget ourselves. That’s where I’m sitting. Forgotten.
I’ve been depressed for quite some time now, for various reasons that I’m working through, but I plan on spewing it all out on here so I can honestly say “I’ve talked about it” with people.
Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? “Talk” about it?
This last year has brought a lot of laughter and tears ( and I’m not one to cry ), but through it all my kids have been the ones who make me look at things a bit different. So I’ll leave you with a quote from my youngest son –
“The reason why adults talk to themselves is because they don’t have any “real” friends”
What he actually meant and what I got from what he said are two different things, but my kids always have a way to make my eyes open.