Yesterday
Yesterday I sat in front of my computer and for the first time in a very long time I felt the need to post something. I wrote up a few different things before finally hitting the publish button.
“Still breathing” was the first thing I typed. While true, it in no way conveyed what I was thinking or feeling.
“So much to say, so little time” was the second thing I typed. While honest, it in no way conveyed what I was thinking or feeling.
And after typing, deleting, retyping and deleting some sarcastic comments…..
“People suck, that is all”
“My kids are going to be the death of me”
“Someone send a lifeboat to save me from all of this bullshit”
“Happy Hump Day! I can’t wait to get me some 
“
…. I ended with the quote I posted. It was true, honest, conveyed what I was thinking and feeling, and reflected why I have been so busy I haven’t been able to type. Sometimes as parents we get so caught up, with good reason, in taking care of others that we forget to take care of ourselves. The more we do, the more we want (or think) we can do until we get so caught up in it all that we forget ourselves. That’s where I’m sitting. Forgotten.
I’ve been depressed for quite some time now, for various reasons that I’m working through, but I plan on spewing it all out on here so I can honestly say “I’ve talked about it” with people.
Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? “Talk” about it?
This last year has brought a lot of laughter and tears ( and I’m not one to cry ), but through it all my kids have been the ones who make me look at things a bit different. So I’ll leave you with a quote from my youngest son –
“The reason why adults talk to themselves is because they don’t have any “real” friends”
What he actually meant and what I got from what he said are two different things, but my kids always have a way to make my eyes open.
Youngest son at the Air Show last Sunday
we’re glad you’re back; take your time. it’s good to have a smoke signal from you!
hang in there,
z
It’s all part of the mommy gig! We concentrate on everyone else that eventually we become part of the walls. And Thy, it’s ok to say “no”. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do even if it means not doing something for your kids. You’re not their servant, you’re not ANYONE’S servant! Take a deep breath and do something for yourself. Be selfish. Yeah, talking never got me anywhere either except more frustrated and depressed. So I had to take matters into my own hands.
You’re a strong and GOOD person Thy! No, I can’t say I know what you’re going through, but I understand the feelings. Especially the “people suck”! I know that all too well!
Peace!
Lady, glad to see you posting again. Sending happy thoughts your way so that the sun will again shine on you! And really, how wise is your child! I love it when kids seem to make our circumstances come full circle with just a few words and a hug!
Feel better, Thy. I’m glad to see a post from you.
So sorry to see you’ve been having a tough time ~ welcome back ~ happy to see your post ~ you’ve been missed
Much truth lies within the words of your son my friend. The words might not really reflect what he mean to say, but just as you, I get the point. I can also relate to what you say about being caught up and I am not even a parent. Life is a sick twisted rollercoaster with all time heights, but also lowest lows.
Nice to see you back! Writing always helps clear the air, so you’re on the right track. Hugs!
Thanks Monica.
I was just thinking the other day that I hadn’t seen a post in a while – then I thought ‘that damn WordPress/GMail/Internet!’ Glad you’re back!