Losing My Funny
I’ve been a sarcastic bitch for all of my life. Maybe it’s all the shit that I’ve been through. Maybe its the constant stupidity I’ve been surrounded by my entire life.
It is what it is. Trust me, this sign hangs in my house.
I know it’s dark but if you squint really hard… it’ll still be dark.
I tell stories and try to be serious but people always end up laughing. Go ahead and ask Mr T. We’ve had many of fights where I’m pissed because I swear he doesn’t take me seriously. I don’t think, I just speak. I don’t try to filter my thoughts. Maybe that’s part of the problem.
Over the last year or so I’ve realized that I have somewhat lost my “funny”. Now over here in the real life world Mr T still cracks up at everything I say. That’s not what I mean.
SOCIAL FUCKING MEDIA people! That’s what I’m talking about. SOOOOOOOO not funny.
It all started with Facebook. I was one of those people that was highly against MySpace and was talked into it by friends. Then I canceled my account and was highly against Facebook because of all the drama I was hearing about within my friends and family. But my nephew and sister-in-law kept sending me invitations and I thought “it would be an easy way to share pics of the kids with family” and so…. my Facebook was born. Within a week I hated it. It was like I had died and gone back to high school. He “posted”, she “posted” bullshit. How old are we people? I never bought into it. I never commented on the stupid shit that people would post or liked stupid statuses or trash talked other people. Pointless.
So as I started getting emails in my inbox that I was neglecting Facebook by refusing to sign back in, I started debating deleting my account. It served no purpose. Until it one day it did. My kids were then old enough to open their own accounts and they wanted my help. They added friends. They added family. I needed to monitor. So here it stands years later. I still have a Facebook account that I hate (for reasons I’ll be blogging about shortly) to share an experience with my kids that I love.
Since Facebook, I ventured into starting this blog. It started off slow and more of a personal journey but before long it was bigger than I ever thought. Since passing the 100,000 view mark, I have met some of the greatest people through blogging. These people have shared some good times and helped me through the bad times. We have traded email address, become Facebook friends and in some cases exchanged phone numbers. Blogging use to be fun. It was a time of funny stories and lots of laughs. It was a time where I looked forward to reading what everyone was up to. It was daily posts. Then it was weekly posts. Then it was hardly anything at all. That’s because it just wasn’t fun anymore (for reasons I’ll be blogging about shortly).
But blogging here on WordPress is what started my journey into Twitter, another thing I was against in the beginning. I was feeling the pressure from multiple people to set up an account and I refused. Actually, I kept saying I’d do it when I had time. This lasted for weeks until it was threatened that an account would be created in my honor. So I decided to give twitter a chance. I’m not sure how long it has been since my first tweet but it has been interesting. I’ve met some incredible people through twitter who I’ve come to know on a personal level. We’ve exchanged numbers, Xmas cards and even shared a meal. Twitter has give me a tool to speak my mind, but it’s also lost it’s mojo (for reasons I’ll be blogging about…..NOW).
There are some things about Twitter that have really just started to bug the shit out of me. Maybe I’ve just lost my patience for all of man kind, I’m not sure.
Ready? Set? Twitter Rant? Go!
~ I have boobs, a good sized set of boobs. I’m not intimidated by boobs. If you know me well enough you know how much I love boobs. I have NO problem with people tweeting boobs. But you if feel the need to make a picture of your tits pushed together as your avi, your bio says how great your body is, and all you do is tweet every day about how hot you are while your ass is sitting home ALONE, you might need to rethink your level of “hotness”. For fuck’s sake people. Go out and buy yourself some god damn self respect. UNFOLLOWED,
~I drink. I drink often. Do I drink all day long? Hell no. I own and operate a business, have 3 teenagers and a house to take care of, have all three kids attend an online school that I have to moderate, have serious medical conditions to deal with and have 2 of my three kids with medical conditions to do with. Even if I could drink all day long, I wouldn’t be able to find the fucking time to pour myself a damn drink. I tend to tweet while drinking. It happens. Pretending you drink more than you do so you have something in common with me doesn’t impress me. I’m not an idiot, but it sure makes you look like one.
~I cuss. I cuss often. As a matter of fact, my mouth has been compared to that of Debra Morgan from Dexter on more than one occasion. I’ve cussed like a sailor since as far back as I can remember. I’m not going to change the way I speak to make you happy. My job is to make me happy. If I offend you, don’t follow me. THE END.
~ I tweet about sex. I tweet about sex often. I’m a pervert. I always have been. If you are such a god damn prude that you can’t figure out that your parents fucked in order for you to exist and that its a natural thing for two human beings to engage in, then you shouldn’t be following me. You don’t need to tweet me or DM to ask me to quiet it down. I’m loud. That’s how Mr T likes it anyways.
~ I flirt. But I am already married and have more than enough dick than I need. I flirt with women. I don’t need or want another man. PERIOD. If my flirting with women offends you, GO FUCK YOURSELF. It’s my damn twitter account and I can tweet whatever the fuck I want. If you don’t like it, don’t follow me. THE END.
Phew. I feel better. Needless to say, I have weeded some people out of my timeline. You’ll also notice that I changed my settings so that all comments on my blog have to be moderated. I’ll get to why that is soon.
Whats next? My Facebook rant.
wordpress and gmail is all the traffic I need. Oh yes, and I have stamps, envelopes and stationary and if I want to speak and hear voice I can always go over to Robbie’s Feed & Seed over in Stockdale and use the telephone.
Amen!
An excellent rant.
As two people who don’t know each other at all, I enjoy your online company here and on twitter.
(Though I think “cuss like a sailor” might be an understatement…)
Thank you kind sir. The feeling is mutual!
my dear dear wordpress friend! i have never cared for the shallow end of the social sites either,and i have always had a dislike for facebook. your post gave me a chuckle – i’m not who punched your buttons, it was probably cumulative, and i’m glad you have the fire and backbone to speak up and out! hoo-rah for you!
z
It was definitely cumulative and something that’s been brewing for a while. A good blogging friend recently convinced me to speak my mind and let go. It feels great!
Well, I still like you even though you don’t drink ALL day long. My favorite thing to hear second-hand is that people actually have facebook friends who whine that they are swearing on their own facebook posts. Then they just need to unfriend you, for f***’s sake! I have a buddy who actually hasn’t talked to his mom for a couple years now because she was making whiny negative comments about everything he posted, so he unfriended her. I do like seeing pics of friend’s families, but that’s about it. And jokes, I like those. And the somee cards, some of them can be funny. I don’t know twitter from shinola, and have been way too lazy to blog much. And I told myself long ago I’d quit making long blog comments; so much for that resolution.
Eh, I stopped making resolutions long ago. Your long blog comments are always welcome here
As far as your buddy goes, I’ve stopped talking to some members of my family for similar reasons. Good for him!
On many levels, i loved this. Period.
Thanks! Somehow, I knew you would
Hence the reason I only have 598 followers (and falling) and only because I entered a giveaway (the LAST giveaway that I ever entered) and all of a sudden 100 people started following me. Out of those 100, I only followed 4. And the reason I only follow 498 because I’m picky about who I follow. Don’t follow me if your selling furnaces or fireplaces. I have one, actually two. Don’t need one. I know a twitter bot from a mile away. You get blocked. I like following PEOPLE, PEOPLE that actually tweet REAL things! It’s ok to occasionally tweet a link, I don’t mind that, that’s the real purpose of Twitter. But if that’s all you tweet are links to your online selling venue, I won’t follow you. If you don’t like my trucker mouth, move on. I’m also like this with Facebook. I could friend a ton of people, but I don’t want their drama! And I don’t want those that are friends with them to try to friend me. There’s a reason I moved out of NJ.
*sigh*, I actually feel better. Ok, sorry, I stole your soap box, but I know EXACTLY what you mean!
You didn’t steal a thing. I didn’t even think about the spambots! They’re assholes!
Fuck all that!!!
Thypolar for President!!
Dude, people and their stupid opinions. Do you know how often people piss me off on FB and Twitter? A lot but I just keep it to myself. Not everything is a war and they have a right to their on stupid opinion must do I.
People are so stupid. I can’t stress that enough. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!
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lol, thank you for this incredible rant my friend! I truly pissed my pants reading through this. I love your style, I love your mouth, I love your soul. Never met someone who comes as natural as you are.
Now on the serious side, I agree with you two hundred percent!
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