Most people tend to think about the things that have occurred throughout their life in a desperate attempt to analyze who they are, who they have become, or how they ended up where they did. I have had one of those lives where its just something you wouldn’t believe, something you would read out of a book or see in a movie. I’ve spent most of my life trying to forget it all, honestly. Trying to push it all to the back of my mind and move forward to a less complicated and happier place. It hasn’t ALL been bad, some of it makes me laugh to be honest. All of it I have learned so much from. I wouldn’t wish some of my experiences on my worst enemy but I strongly believe that its the ones I try to push back and forget that have made me into the strong person I am today.
I had one of those moments last night. You know, one of those moments where you reflect on your life to determine why you do things the way that you do. I realized something. Most people can attribute their actions or reactions to an experience that they have had. A single experience that explains why they hate that song, dislike a food, cry at that movie, or chose not to spank their kids. I can’t seem to find those specific moments. What I have is a collection of experiences that have come together and created my mind.
I have been urged by numerous people to write a book about what I have been through. I can’t seem to muster up that kind of energy. I wouldn’t know how to even accomplish something of that magnitude in my current physicality. It was even suggested that it could be made into a “made for TV” movie. I don’t want to be an after-school special. What I do know is that all of the things that I have worked so awfully hard to run from have slowly creeped back into my life.
Within this last year I have been so sick that even my doctors were not sure if I would pull through. So I decided, rather than write a book, I would start from the beginning here in my blog. Get the short version or snippets of the important things out. Kinda of like a journey through my own life. When there is nothing else on my mind that day, I will add to my journey. Maybe I will learn something about myself I haven’t already discovered. Maybe someone else won’t feel so alone. Who knows?